Dear Intactivists…

Owners note: There has been some discussion about how this article is perceived by some. Id like to clear any misconceptions up and answer any questions one may have. Please visit that post {{{ here }}} and ask any questions or misunderstandings you may have via comments or email me at or . Thank you and have a blessed day!

Dear Intactivists, Anti-RIC Advocates, Child’s Rights Advocates,

Hi. You don’t know me. Well, some of you might. Actually, you all do. You’ve seen me around on almost every circumcision debate you’ve been in on Facebook or on a blog or anywhere in the social medial or physical world. Crazy right?! Bare with me. Excuse typos. Hopefully this makes sense and hopefully it makes people think.

I’m that mom who when a debate about circumcision comes up on a parenting Facebook page pops in and says something to the affect of “I had my sons done and I have no regret”.
I’m that mom who claimed her child’s body is her property. That he is “My child. My choice!”
I’m that mom who laughs at you when you say that cutting the penis of a child is wrong. Or that its mutilating my sons.
I’m that mom who you called a child abuser because I said that I still didn’t regret it and would do it again.
I’m that mom who you yell at and curse at when I continue to be defensive.
I’m that mother that was deceived by a industry of lies and greed.
I’m that mother who doesn’t know it yet.
I’m that mother who is still stuck in my ways. Still blinded by lies.

I’m that mom who shuts down after all that and my mind closes.

I’m that mom who wont listen to you now and its just turned into a big piss fest with one half trying to prove the other half wrong all while insulting one another.

“Your kids are going to hate you!”
“I hope you don’t breed anymore!”
“Thank God you cant have anymore kids to harm!”
“Anteater penis skin is disgusting. You’re kid is going to get made fun of!”
“Foreskin is gross and dirty!”
“Baby Cutter!”
“Baby mutilator!”

I’m that mother who is lurking on the thread. Reading.
I’m that mother who is still unsure of if I should have my son circumcised or not.
I’m that mother seeking information from reliable sources and saw a thread about it and paid a visit.
I’m that mother who asks a simple question and gets bombarded with so much information it overwhelms me.
I’m that mother who needs someone to gently educate me on the matter. Not to tell me whats right and wrong but to give me cold hard facts.
I’m that mother who had her sons circumcised and is now looking to educate herself further because I havent been given any information on it from the get go.

I’m that mother who stopped defending MY choice to circumcise my sons for a moment and just read the thread.
I’m that mother who clicked a link to a video of a baby boy strapped down to a board with a blue drape over him.
I’m that mother who cringed at that baby’s screams of pain.
I’m that mother who was sent rushing to the bathroom to throw up at what she had just seen.
I’m that mother who sat there on the bathroom floor crying.
I’m that mother who needs gentle guidance to come to terms of what she has allowed to happen to her own children.
I’m that mother who believed I did what I thought was the right thing to do.
I’m that mother who cries still to this day, a year and a half later after learning the truth about circumcision.
I’m that mother who took a step towards healing because people showed me compassion and understanding. Not anger and judgment.
I’m that mother who is taking a stand to help end the practice of RIC and protect genital integrity of all children who do not need to have a circumcision without justifiable causes.

I’m that mother still healing. Asking her sons for forgiveness. Looking for ways to help them in the future should problems arise. Praying they wont encounter any and that they wont hate me.
I’m that mother who sits back and reads all the things you post to others. Sometimes you make me proud. Sometimes I sit there in disbelief at what Im reading.

Understand that I was once pro-circumcision(meaning I defended it as a ‘parental right’ issue and not a Humans Right issue). I once defended it and thought it was the right thing to do. I was not given the information nore did I have the resources to research back when I had my sons. Understand that every parent who does this, honestly believes it is what is best for their child because thats what they are lead to believe. By medical professionals and by culture.

Be angry at the doctors. Be angry at the AAP. Be angry at the whole industry that lies to parents. That hurts our sons.

Don’t be angry at the women and men who are in denial of facts.
Don’t wish harm on them or on their children.
Walk in their shoes for a moment.
Stop fighting with your emotions. It makes you look crazy!
Is that how you want to represent our cause?
Is that how you want others who are on the fence to see us as?

Your manner in which you handle a debate are what can make it or break it for some.
Walk away when emotions start to come out when you are trying to educate.
Facts, people!! STICK TO THE FACTS!!!

I am everything I typed above. Im that mother who went from defensive pro-circ to a child’s right advocator. I refuse to be vile and derogatory and blame parents and say crude nasty things to them. Never will you turn away a person faster then to be vicious and cruel.

Good Day to you all.
Blessed be you in your activism but never forget that mother/father lurking.


Raquel Newton
Loving Mother and Child’s Rights Advocate



6 Responses to Dear Intactivists…

  1. I was a mom somewhat like that at one time, not adamantly pro circ, but just ignorant and naively accepting it like so many others. Re-arranging ones brain cells around this subject can be painful. We all get angry and frustrated. Many of us have regrets and are in a similar position to yours. Keep up the good work. – Rosemary

  2. jamesmac1 says:

    Thank you, Raquel. This is a very important message and something all intactivists need to always be conscious of.

    All too often, good and well-intentioned parents are deceived into consenting to unnecessary circumcision surgery on their male children. Some subsequently learn the horrible truth of circumcision, thereby swelling the ranks of circumcision victims. Some become extremely defensive, determined to try to justify their decision, often using bizarre logic. Others never give the issue any thought, with circumcision being such a taboo subject and rarely discussed openly.

    My mum and dad were model parents. I was never smacked and always treated with great dignity and respect while growing up in a large family. I bear them no resentment at my circumcision, even though it has had a profoundly negative effect on my life. I would hate to think of someone calling them bad, uncaring or abusive parents for allowing me to be cut.

    The goal of intactivism must (in part) be to grow the number of people who advocate for the genital integrity of children through respectful sharing of information and experiences.

    Screaming at people who don’t (yet) ‘get it’ and throwing various accusations at them might provide some short-term stress relief, but ultimately undermines the cause, and no-one wants that, least of all, the next generation of boys.

  3. Lonnie Drury says:

    This is a very important message for intactivists. Thank you.

  4. I’ve seen those same remarks…..abusive from both sides….and it doesn’t help anyone. Thank you for putting it in a picture that people might be able to understand.

  5. One need not be a parent to go through such an evolution and change of mind — and heart. Depending on what generation you are from, the cultural indoctrination can be immense. Sometimes it is very difficult to keep the perspective you describe so well, that the pro-circ person has been bamboozled and infected with a mind-virus. That’s what genital cutting on children truly is. Knowledge and compassion are the anti-bodies to the mind-virus.

  6. Pingback: Suicidal after botched male circumcision | Just a Snip - against genital mutilation aka circumcision

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